Frequently I sodomize the concept of organization. It would seem that a private intellectualism of this caliber could only be that of a social degenerate. But I am a flawless character when it comes to asocial honesty. I am more than ‘the Outsider’ of Camus. And I try to use such honest eyes with everyone, even across the dumb spiritual smoke around people.
I have a friend who smokes too much and is on the verge of protracting angina. That is hurtful, for him and for me. The smoke in his lungs is too much, and his resolution to smoke is also equally strong. It’s a choice for him, with the smoke, without the smoke. He chooses smoke every time. I think, he likes to lose himself in those rising smoke rings, which seem so beautiful. Life awfully progresses, as do smoke rings. It’s his way of looking at his spiritual organization.
But till whose shore does his smoking matter so much? Where will it all accumulate, besides his lungs? I keep thinking, smoking kills; smoking causes cancer. There should be ‘no smoking’. But it’s not just about the smoke; it is essentially about the cigarette. The cigarette is not a bystander; it is intimate with your lips. You graze it, smother it, chew on it, crush it, squeeze it; it’s a harassment of sorts. That is palpable. To feel the nervousness inside, damning all the spiritual quotes you have ever read, and think that cigarette is your friend. The cigarette was a friend when he left; cigarette was a friend when she left; cigarette was a friend when the room was empty. And to think! That some detest the smoke!
A volume of air filled with smoke can only be felt; it cannot be captured, for it would be like trying to capture the air. Most of the things in our lives can be felt, but it might seem very pointless in capturing them. Smoking is like looking into a frame of history, we see diagrams, pictures, images emerging and disappearing. It’s like a vivid imagination, an indirect benefit to the mental state. Smoking is a tribute to those who have problems. Smoking is a signal fire of a weak heart. Smoking is to incite a response. It is a different type of ascendency for some, and a means to lay off honesty in the air. But above all, I think, for some, it is also an instrument of the battle against the perilous mind, the madness of which the smoke avoids conquering. It is a sign of the fire of disorganization.
– Nivedita